Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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