so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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