I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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