No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
