dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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