I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
