This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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