Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
