True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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