He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Come on in and take your pants off
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