we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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