Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
