Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
