If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
