I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
