I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
