there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
