she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
