So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
