You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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