do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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