I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
