Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
