explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
