Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
