Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
