I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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