How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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