I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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