i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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