Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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