Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
