My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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