I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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