I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
