i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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