at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
