This girl is more easily done than said...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
