last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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