My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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