Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
