he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How's work?
Spinning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
