Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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