Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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