Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
