i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
