Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
