There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
