Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize