Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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