it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
