So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
