I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
