i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just had sex bonerless
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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