It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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