He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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