My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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