There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
