so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
