And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
