If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What a dumb baby whore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
