the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
