capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
