Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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