oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
