He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
