There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
