i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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