New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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