Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
