dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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