you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize