just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize